Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive

ScoobieWRX · Post by **ScoobieWRX** » Wed Dec 24, 2008 12:58 am

hahaha :pmsl:

I knew BP had it's fair share of utter nutters. Must be all those fumes!!

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:33 pm

I went to the pub last night and the bartender asked me what I wanted.
So I said, "Surprise me!"
He showed me a naked picture of my daughter.

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:33 pm

For my New Year's resolution, I've decided to listen more to women, be more considerate and encourage them to show their true feelings.

Because, apparently, that's the best way to get a fuck.

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:34 pm

I've just got back from my mate Dave's house where I met his brother, Tony, who is built like a brick shit-house.

On the flip-side of that, he's also retarded, and to demonstrate this my mate told me he could tell Tony to do anything and he would do it.

With that Dave says, "Tony... piss yourself." And, believe it or not, he did just that.

"Shit," I exclaimed and suddenly, before my very eyes, this mammoth of a man began straining until he had indeed shat himself.

The next three words out of my mouth will haunt me for the rest of my life, "WELL FU....

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:34 pm

Me and my mate went down the pub last night and we swapped our best chat up lines.

Some of his were so good I nearly went back to his place!

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:36 pm

Spiderman: Just another guy who ends up with sticky hands after using the web.

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:38 pm

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:39 pm

Political Correctness gone mad!
I work for a confectionary company and we've just been fined for homophobic wording in a job application.
Well how else are you supposed to advertise for a Fudge Packer?

Post by **Ben** » Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:47 pm

In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip."

The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmers daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him.

"Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.

To which the girl replied, "Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!

Post by **Ben** » Fri Jan 30, 2009 8:10 am

I've just read that men who live in Reykjavik, on average have the biggest penises in the world.
So thats why mums go to Iceland.