Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:52 pm

Made me chuckle too chap

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:53 pm

If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:53 pm

Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick...

Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:54 pm

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:54 pm

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:55 pm

A bloke goes into the doctors and says, "I've got a mole on my dick, can you remove it please?"
So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA."

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:57 pm

I just ended a long-term relationship today.

I'm not too bothered, it wasn't mine.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:57 pm

This Chinese chap goes into a bank to change some currency. After receiving his money he asks, "How come I came in here with same amount of money as yesterday but today I get less Yuans in return?"
The banker says, "Fluctuations."
The Chinese guy replies, "Fluck you Blitish too."

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:58 pm

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:58 pm

Now top that lot Mr Turner !!!! .. Booyakashah