Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:33 pm

Imagine if Anne Frank had a blog instead of a diary:

Currently listening to: Nazis pounding on the door.
Current mood: concentrating.

*****

This years Christmas present will be a bit of a surprise for Shannon Matthews.

For the first time in years, she won't be getting a new Stepfather

*****

I was with the missus in Tesco and saw polish remover.
Couldn't help thinking, "Finally, a solution for those bastards next door."

*****

What

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:33 pm

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.
I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.
I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll take a shit on the floor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink cock.

Let's see Crimewatch fucking stage a reconstruction of that.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:33 pm

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean charles de menez.

It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:34 pm

I've got a lot of time for people who choose to act in porn films.

Saying that, it's usually about 3 1/2 minutes.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:41 pm

A young medical student approaches an elderly patient with a syringe in his hand.
''Nothing to worry about,'' says the student, noticing the concerned look on the old man's face, ''just a little prick with a needle.''
''Yes, I know you are,'' says the old man, ''But what the fuck are you gonna do with it?''

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:42 pm

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, its worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry Laprise, the man who wrote 'The Hokey Kokey", died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in, then the trouble started...

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:42 pm

BNP members are being 'targeted by threats', they claim its all black mail.

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:42 pm

A man gets up one morning to find his wife in the kitchen, cooking. He sees one of his socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed drunk," she replied.

Puzzled, the man walks away thinking to himself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock."

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:43 pm

A woman brings 8yr old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8yr old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?!?!?!" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

Post by **Ben** » Mon Dec 22, 2008 5:43 pm

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together,the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.