Crap jokes
Gas man knocks on a door, A little lad comes to the door wearing lipstick, stockings and suspenders, high heels and smoking a joint. Gas man says, "is your mum in sonny?" The young lad stands there with a shocked look on his face and says, "Does it fucking look like my mums in"
I may be getting older but I REFUSE to grow up 



- ScoobieWRX
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:42 am
- Location: Northants
- Contact:
CLASSSSSSSSR32 Nik wrote:Gas man knocks on a door, A little lad comes to the door wearing lipstick, stockings and suspenders, high heels and smoking a joint. Gas man says, "is your mum in sonny?" The young lad stands there with a shocked look on his face and says, "Does it f***ing look like my mums in"
Dum spiro, spero
____________________________________
____________________________________
Arrived this morning
A man Named Dennis feared his wife Jan wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor Petty to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test as the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was Outside in the Garage, He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Jan, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So Den moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Jan, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves around the front into the living room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'JAN, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Janis, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Bloody Hell Jan, what's for dinner?'
'DENNIS, for the FIFTH F*ckin' time, CHICKEN!'
her, he called the family Doctor Petty to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test as the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was Outside in the Garage, He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Jan, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So Den moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Jan, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves around the front into the living room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, 'JAN, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Janis, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Bloody Hell Jan, what's for dinner?'
'DENNIS, for the FIFTH F*ckin' time, CHICKEN!'
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away!
- ScoobieWRX
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:42 am
- Location: Northants
- Contact:
Dennis also mentioned that he was concerned that Jan wanted him to stick it in her ear. "What makes you think that?" asked the doc. "Because every time I try to stick it in her mouth, she turns her head to the side"
Boom Boom!
Boom Boom!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it, piss on it and walk away!
- ScoobieWRX
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:42 am
- Location: Northants
- Contact: