Crap jokes

Bladerider · Post by **Bladerider** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:08 pm

I guess holding your bladder comes with the territory round your way

Fnar fnar

J.

kev@tga · Post by **kev@tga** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:51 pm

[quote="Bladerider"]I guess holding your bladder comes with the territory round your way ]

lol here we go :-D

Nik · Post by **Nik** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:18 pm

Two guys were walking past a mental hospital and they heard some of the patients in the garden. They were chanting "thirteen, thirteen, thirteen". One of the guys finds a knot hole in the fence so he decides he will have a look to see whats going on. He gets poked in the eye with a stick and when the other guy finally stopped laughing, all he could hear was "fourteen, fourteen, fourteen"

Nik · Post by **Nik** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:23 pm

Amy Winehouse meets Jeremy Clarkson at an awwards ceremony one night and just to be polite, he asks her who she is, she says " I am Amy Winehouse" he says "ok, and why is it that you are here?" She says "my new album is nominated for an award, Who are you anyway?" He says " I am Jeremy Clarkson." she said " never heard of you, what do you do ?" He says "Top Gear" she says " great, I'll have 3 grammes"

Nik · Post by **Nik** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:28 pm

Why do women wear knickers?

Health and safety states that all manholes must be covered when not in use.

Nik · Post by **Nik** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:32 pm

Paddy's in jail. A screw looks onto is cell and sees him hanging by his feet. The screw says " what the fook are you doing?" "Killing myself" replies Paddy. The screw replies " you daft fooker, it should be around your neck. Paddy says, " I tried that but I couldn't fooking breath"

Nik · Post by **Nik** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:33 pm

What's the most sensitive part of your body when you are having a wank?

Your ears.

ScoobieWRX · Post by **ScoobieWRX** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:38 pm

:thumb: To all of the above. That's more like it :pmsl:

Post by **Ben** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:19 pm

essoman · Post by **essoman** » Wed Jun 11, 2008 11:04 pm

I'm not going soft, but sometimes I like these heartwarming stories, and this one truly is amazing.

In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly

Probably wasn't the same elephant.