If so, the best man just had to be Bladey :roll:
Crap jokes
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ScoobieWRX
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feckin ell hehehe :pmsl:stuart wrote:Fresh from one of the most offensive Best man speeches I have ever heard, here's an old gem
The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon
suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one," replied the groom, "she won't take it up the arse."
Buggers cancelled my op just a couple of days before it was due. Inconsiderate barstewards!! 
Waiting now for another execution date!!:headhack:
Waiting now for another execution date!!:headhack:
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Bladerider
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mutleysfriend
- Posts: 124
- Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:05 pm
This reminded me of the Australian version of the TV show Mr & Mrs. The husband was asked the questions while the wife was out of earshot. One of the questions was "Where is the most embarrasing place you have ever had sex?". The husbands answer was "in a graveyard".stuart wrote:Fresh from one of the most offensive Best man speeches I have ever heard, here's an old gem
The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon
suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one," replied the groom, "she won't take it up the arse."
When the wife returned she was asked the same question. She initially refused to answer but with a great deal of encouragement from her husband that it was ok to say promptly told several million viewers that the most embarrasing place she has ever had sex was......
"Up the bum!!"
mf.
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Bladerider
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LOL
Talk about dropping yourself in the sh1t !!!
J.
Womans driving along in here car and notices this blonde girl stood motionless in the middle of a field next to the road. Thinking that she may have had some kind of accident and need help, or just be lost (she was blonde after all) the woman pulls over, gets out of her car and walks over to the blionde girl and asks if she is ok.
The blonde responds, quite surprised that her behaviour is in some way odd, explaining that she is simply there trying to win the Nobel Prize.
When the first woman dissolves into a fit of the giggles at this bizarre answer but she just manages to compose herself long enough to ask..."What on earth makes you think they are going to give YOU a Nobel Prize ???"
The Blonde replies quite irate by now that the woman should be laughing at her chance for glory......."You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when they give me the Prize and a cheque for a
Talk about dropping yourself in the sh1t !!!
J.
Womans driving along in here car and notices this blonde girl stood motionless in the middle of a field next to the road. Thinking that she may have had some kind of accident and need help, or just be lost (she was blonde after all) the woman pulls over, gets out of her car and walks over to the blionde girl and asks if she is ok.
The blonde responds, quite surprised that her behaviour is in some way odd, explaining that she is simply there trying to win the Nobel Prize.
When the first woman dissolves into a fit of the giggles at this bizarre answer but she just manages to compose herself long enough to ask..."What on earth makes you think they are going to give YOU a Nobel Prize ???"
The Blonde replies quite irate by now that the woman should be laughing at her chance for glory......."You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when they give me the Prize and a cheque for a
I have issues !!! 
....I used to be average, now I reminisce !!!
....I used to be average, now I reminisce !!!
husband and wife on the 10th anniversry, wife undresses & says "what do you think when i stripped 10years ago?" He says "i wanted 2 fuck your brains out & suck your tits dry!" she says " what are you thinking now ? " ........................... he says "looks like i did a pretty good job" :-D
Matt Black Wrapped 2009 GTR with litchfield stage 4.25 
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Bladerider
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Along a similar vein (Not Kevs :sick: :gay: :isgay: )
A gamekeeper is perplexed by the number of rabbits a poacher is managing to steal from his woodland. In one last hope to keep his job and his sanity he decides to set up a hide and stay in it all day and all night if he has to, to catch the culprit. After a long day in the hot enclosure he then has the trouble of staying awake all through the cold night, and then at the first crack of dawn the next day he sees a figure approaching the area of woodland he is watching where there are loads of rabbits hopping about.
Amazed he watches as the figure just bends down, the rabbits perfectly at ease with his presence and if anything hopping TOWARDS him !!!! At which point he simply picks up the bunny and chucks it in a sack !!!
At this point he can stand no more, jumps out fromhis hide with his shotgun and shouts at the villain to stay where he is. As he approaches the man from behind he tells him to turn around and is astonished to find that the crafty poacher is non other than his own Vicar from the village, and he has managed in under a minute to catch half a dozen happy hopping rabbits as fat as you like ready to make a feast fit for a king.
Struggling to find the words the gamekeeper can only mutter "How ?" "Why ?" "B4stard !!"
The Vicar is most ashamed of himself and apologises most sincerely. he goes on to explain that he has only been poaching so that he can donate more of his own wages towards the fund for the new church roof and that since the wealthy land owner whose rabbits he was stealing had refused to help pay for any of the work he felts obliged to teach him a lesson in some small way.
As the gamekeeper listens he comes back to his first question of why..."In all my years Vicar, I have never seen a poacher so easily able to trick the rabbits into not noticing him, its almost as if they were attracted to you"
Embarressed the Vicar flushes red slightly and replies "I must say I thank you for your praise but I am also ashamed to admit that the rabbits ARE attracted to me, or rather the scent I use to lure them with."
"Nothing to be ashamed about Vicar, having a clever trick to give you an edge is what hunting is all about"...points out the gamekeeper..."in fact if you tell me the secret I will let you go and we'll say no more about it, as I agree that my boss should have done something for the church, just dont take anymore rabbits and we'll call it even"
The Vicar flushes again..."Its not having the trick exactly thats embarressing, its the fact that the scent is........err...........how can I put this...........................well its the scent of a woman !!"
"WHAT !!" exclaims the gamekeeper........"You mean they're attracted to the smell of a womans fanny ??"
"Precisely !!" replies the now almost scarlet faced Vicar "Please dont let us talk any more about it......................good day !!!" at which point he rushes back towards the church and most likely a small sherry !!!
Astounded at his discovery the gamekeeper decides to pack his hide up later and goes home for a well deserved sleep. When he gets home he walks through the back gate, up the garden path towards his kitchens open back door and there before him is his wife bent over getting some washing out the machine still in her nightgown with the back of it riding upto her bum. Still with the poaching secret ringing in his ears he walks up softly behind his wife and slips his hand up between her thighs and gives her fanny a good rub. Without turning round or jumping startled his wife calmly says "Mornin' Vicar, you off huntin' rabbits again already ???"
(Not Kevs :sick: :gay: :isgay: )A gamekeeper is perplexed by the number of rabbits a poacher is managing to steal from his woodland. In one last hope to keep his job and his sanity he decides to set up a hide and stay in it all day and all night if he has to, to catch the culprit. After a long day in the hot enclosure he then has the trouble of staying awake all through the cold night, and then at the first crack of dawn the next day he sees a figure approaching the area of woodland he is watching where there are loads of rabbits hopping about.
Amazed he watches as the figure just bends down, the rabbits perfectly at ease with his presence and if anything hopping TOWARDS him !!!! At which point he simply picks up the bunny and chucks it in a sack !!!
At this point he can stand no more, jumps out fromhis hide with his shotgun and shouts at the villain to stay where he is. As he approaches the man from behind he tells him to turn around and is astonished to find that the crafty poacher is non other than his own Vicar from the village, and he has managed in under a minute to catch half a dozen happy hopping rabbits as fat as you like ready to make a feast fit for a king.
Struggling to find the words the gamekeeper can only mutter "How ?" "Why ?" "B4stard !!"
The Vicar is most ashamed of himself and apologises most sincerely. he goes on to explain that he has only been poaching so that he can donate more of his own wages towards the fund for the new church roof and that since the wealthy land owner whose rabbits he was stealing had refused to help pay for any of the work he felts obliged to teach him a lesson in some small way.
As the gamekeeper listens he comes back to his first question of why..."In all my years Vicar, I have never seen a poacher so easily able to trick the rabbits into not noticing him, its almost as if they were attracted to you"
Embarressed the Vicar flushes red slightly and replies "I must say I thank you for your praise but I am also ashamed to admit that the rabbits ARE attracted to me, or rather the scent I use to lure them with."
"Nothing to be ashamed about Vicar, having a clever trick to give you an edge is what hunting is all about"...points out the gamekeeper..."in fact if you tell me the secret I will let you go and we'll say no more about it, as I agree that my boss should have done something for the church, just dont take anymore rabbits and we'll call it even"
The Vicar flushes again..."Its not having the trick exactly thats embarressing, its the fact that the scent is........err...........how can I put this...........................well its the scent of a woman !!"
"WHAT !!" exclaims the gamekeeper........"You mean they're attracted to the smell of a womans fanny ??"
"Precisely !!" replies the now almost scarlet faced Vicar "Please dont let us talk any more about it......................good day !!!" at which point he rushes back towards the church and most likely a small sherry !!!
Astounded at his discovery the gamekeeper decides to pack his hide up later and goes home for a well deserved sleep. When he gets home he walks through the back gate, up the garden path towards his kitchens open back door and there before him is his wife bent over getting some washing out the machine still in her nightgown with the back of it riding upto her bum. Still with the poaching secret ringing in his ears he walks up softly behind his wife and slips his hand up between her thighs and gives her fanny a good rub. Without turning round or jumping startled his wife calmly says "Mornin' Vicar, you off huntin' rabbits again already ???"
I have issues !!! ....I used to be average, now I reminisce !!!
....I used to be average, now I reminisce !!!