Crap jokes

[Ben]

The Bacon Tree

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?

Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture ..

there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...

every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!

Eet EES a bacon tree!"

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;

We ees in the Desert don't forget."

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage
that smeell like bacon...ees no meerage,
ees a bacon tree".

And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.

He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.

It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man,you was right.ees not a bacon tree."

"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...



Ees..........



Ees...




Ees.........



Ees....





... Eees a Ham Bush

[Gerry H]

:-D the oldies are always the best ones ...

But not in this case

[Gerry H]

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as 'Handy Woman' and began canvassing a nearby, well-to-do neighbourhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well! I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch"he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded. "How about

[Stuart]

:tumbleweed:


hahahhahahahhahahhahahhahaha

[Ian (DaOne)]

omfg

[Gerry H]

Well, let's see you lot do better.

[ScoobieWRX]

Gerry...FFS...i laughed at that :pmsl:


My crappy joke

What is the similar about a Peroxide Blonde and a Jumbo Jet???.............




.........they both have Black Boxes!!

[Ian (DaOne)]

Almost rang you earlier.

Iwas in Tesco and i thought i saw your name on a loaf of bread.

but then i realised it said
















"Thick Cut"

[pablo]

:lol: pmsl

[Stuart]

Fresh from one of the most offensive Best man speeches I have ever heard, here's an old gem


The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon
suite.

"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.

"Only one," replied the groom, "she won't take it up the arse."