Bigpower

im sure alot of people get these stupid chane text message jokes and some them are
quite bad but every now and again there is always a good one sent.
so lets get them up for a larf or at least after a bad day just read them to cheer yourself up.


1. my wife says the hardest thing in the world is to balance a career and a family.
she's obviusly hasnt tried to balance a lap top on her knees while having a wank.


2. Asylum seeker is met by a fairy and grants him 3 wishes
he says "im hungry" and a banquet appears
"i want a nice house" and a mansion appears
"i want to be british" Pow everything vanishes
he askes "where's everything gone?
Fairy says "youre british now and entitled to SOD ALL"

3. A man and a women on a plane. every 3 minutes the women sneesed
and visibly shuddered for 10 seconds.
the man asked her if she was ok
"im sorry, i have a very rare medical condition, when ever
i sneeze i have a orgasm"
the bloke said " are you taking anything for it?"
"yes" the women said "pepper"

4. 2 women in the cinema.
janet said "the bloke next to me is having a wank."
sue said " just ignore him"
janet replied " i carnt he's using my hand"

Two men and a woman at a party....Bored.
One of the men says 'Let's have a game of rape'

The woman screams, 'NO'

The other guy says, 'That's the spirit'

My phone is full of crap jokes, heres some........


The misses is fucked off with me again!
Last night while she was sleeping i swapped her tampon for a party popper................
No sense of humour.





Cameron and clegg have announced that they are changing our national emblem from the union jack to a condom. they feel this reflects more accurately the goverments political stance.
A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives a sense of security while you`re actually being screwed!



David cameron has annouced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.............
From next week the forms will only be printed in english.




Woke up this morning at 8 and i could just smell something was wrong. Got downstairs and the wife was face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing, I panicked, did n`t know what to do............
Then i remembered................ Mc donalds serve breakfast until 10.30.




Gotta new job at the old folks home as a comedian.
Bless em, they dont get the jokes......... but they still piss themselves!

Paddy runs into the bar and says to mick "someones just stolen your car!" Mick says "did you see who it was?" Paddy says "no, But i got the registration number!"

Why is it that when a man talks dirty to a woman it's sexual harassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man it costs