Whenever I am suffering from low self esteem and think that life is not dealing me a fair hand, I like to go shopping in ASDA.
It never fails to cheer me up.
Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive
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ScoobieWRX
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:42 am
- Location: Northants
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F:pmsl: They're getting bettter!!
Ben...You need to see a doctor, but i don't think whatever you've got has been discovered yet. You're a nutcase!! :wack:
Keep em coming :notworthy:
Ben...You need to see a doctor, but i don't think whatever you've got has been discovered yet. You're a nutcase!! :wack:
Keep em coming :notworthy:
Buggers cancelled my op just a couple of days before it was due. Inconsiderate barstewards!! 
Waiting now for another execution date!!:headhack:
Waiting now for another execution date!!:headhack:
A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".
Dum spiro, spero
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The president of a Golf Club is driving towards the clubhouse when he seen a man lying dead in the 17th bunker and one player fighting another two on the green.
He gets out and shouts "Whooa calm down what's happened"
To which the one man says "My partner has just had a stroke ..... and those two heartless bastards want to count it!!"
He gets out and shouts "Whooa calm down what's happened"
To which the one man says "My partner has just had a stroke ..... and those two heartless bastards want to count it!!"
Dum spiro, spero
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i had sex with this girl last week i am not saying she is fat but i fcuk her rolled over twice and i was still on top of her 
i went down on the same girl and said "i need help to find your fanny have you heard of the salmon technique?" she said "whats that" i said "just have a piss and i will follow the stream" !! :oops:
A tiler once said to me "women are like floor tiles if you lay them right the first time you can work all over them for a life time" :-D
How do you make a women organism ? .......... who cares :roll:
sometimes when you cry no ones sees your tears,
when your worried no one sees your pain,
when your happy no one sees your smile...
but try having a wank on a bus and see how much fcuking attention you get......
ps can you pick me up from the police station :-D
i went down on the same girl and said "i need help to find your fanny have you heard of the salmon technique?" she said "whats that" i said "just have a piss and i will follow the stream" !! :oops:
A tiler once said to me "women are like floor tiles if you lay them right the first time you can work all over them for a life time" :-D
How do you make a women organism ? .......... who cares :roll:
sometimes when you cry no ones sees your tears,
when your worried no one sees your pain,
when your happy no one sees your smile...
but try having a wank on a bus and see how much fcuking attention you get......
ps can you pick me up from the police station :-D
Matt Black Wrapped 2009 GTR with litchfield stage 4.25 