"Won't you kiss me, Doctor," asks a beautiful woman.
"No, it would be against my code of ethics," says the doctor.
"Please just one kiss," begs the woman.
"It's completely out of the question," he goes on. "I shouldn't even really be having sex with you."
Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive
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ScoobieWRX
- Posts: 2136
- Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 9:42 am
- Location: Northants
- Contact:
hat off to you mate i cant beat all them jokes :-D
but i have a couple ones to add
A girl knocked on my door today asking for donations to the national sperm bank ............... fcuk i gave her a mouth full!
Paddy and Murphy in Irag.
murphy stands on a land mine and screams "paddy paddy i`ve lost me legs". paddy looks over and says "you lying fcuker there over there"
but i have a couple ones to add
A girl knocked on my door today asking for donations to the national sperm bank ............... fcuk i gave her a mouth full!
Paddy and Murphy in Irag.
murphy stands on a land mine and screams "paddy paddy i`ve lost me legs". paddy looks over and says "you lying fcuker there over there"
Matt Black Wrapped 2009 GTR with litchfield stage 4.25 
I got sick and tired of my wife constantly smoking in the house, so when her birthday came around I bought her a solid gold Zippo lighter and secretly filled it to the brim with aircraft fuel.
You should have seen her face light up when she used it for the first time.
You should have seen her face light up when she used it for the first time.
Dum spiro, spero
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Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If SHE asks you, it's a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sexy underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!
Dum spiro, spero
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A heavily pregnant Irish girl phones her mother one day....
'Mam, Mam! oh Bejesus! Oh Mam, I tink me waters have just broken Mam!'
Mam tries to calm her daughter ' Oh good god almighty and hail mary! Quick child, tell me where you're ringing from!'
Daughter pauses then shouts down the phone, ' From me minge down to me feckin' ankles mam!'
'Mam, Mam! oh Bejesus! Oh Mam, I tink me waters have just broken Mam!'
Mam tries to calm her daughter ' Oh good god almighty and hail mary! Quick child, tell me where you're ringing from!'
Daughter pauses then shouts down the phone, ' From me minge down to me feckin' ankles mam!'
Dum spiro, spero
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