Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive

[Ben]

Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy.

[Ben]

Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.

Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so fucking funny when it's YOUR mum, is it?"

[Ben]

Why are chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great watching one fall down a flight of stairs.

[Mr Fletcher]

bloody hell ben you are on form today :-D :-D :rotflol: :rotflol:

cheers

jason

[Ben]

Secrets to a Happy Marriage
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
and MOST important...
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

[Ben]

Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms for the relationship. Men say, "Big fucking deal, try faking a relationship just for the shag!"

[Ben]

What's the difference between toast and a Frenchman?

You can make soldiers out of toast.

[Ben]

What's long and hard and makes women groan?

An Ironing Board.

[Ben]

I took my girlfriend round to see my family today.

My wife went fucking mental.

[Ben]

My ex-girlfriend had a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it, I swear you can smell the ocean.