Offensive jokes ... and I mean offensive

Post by **Ben** » Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:28 am

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ

Post by **Ben** » Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:29 am

My Girlfriend asked me if I fancied trying anal sex, of course I agreed.

Fuck me but my arse is sore this morning.

Post by **Ben** » Thu Feb 05, 2009 8:32 am

Sue had been married to Frank for 20 years.
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:23 am

I was watching a DVD the other day, it had that bit at the beginning about piracy and saying 'you wouldn't steal a car'. I thought, 'I fucking would if I could download it'.

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:24 am

A older couple take on an 18 year old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath
but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to play darts," she said,
so the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath
and watched as the girl got undressed.
She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home.

He didn't believe her so she said: "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?"
"No," said the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"

"Oh yes," said the woman and she showed off her great, hairy clout.

When the husband got back in she asked: "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said. "But why the fuck did you have to show her yours?"

"Why," she said. "You've seen it all before."
"I know," he said, "but the fucking darts team hasn't!"

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:29 am

I've heard some experts descibe dyslexia as a condition where sufferers become confused about "the order of things".
Now I'm a bit worried my wife might have dyslexia, last night she asked me to wash the dishes.

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:30 am

So Stephen Hawking is intelligent is he? I went to a lecture of his and there was a power cut.

I was asking all sorts of questions but he just sat there speechless and looking fucking gormless.

ScoobieWRX · Post by **ScoobieWRX** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:30 am

Blimey..hahahaha...pmsl

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:31 am

My mother told me that when I was born, I was ginger.
"I'm blonde now mum, what happened?"
"Oh I just swapped your cot in maternity, son!" she replied.

Post by **Ben** » Sat Jun 20, 2009 9:33 am

I thought I hadn't been paying my wife much attention recently so, as it was her birthday on Friday, I decided I would give her a ring as a present.

Amazingly that started another row. Because I rang her from the pub.