The Lazy Grasshopper - a bit long winded But.. priceless

[slaphead]

In any other country

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper
thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has
no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END
:twisted:
THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the
squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference
and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well
fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper;
with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table
laden with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country
of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others
have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper
Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting
a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts
a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants
in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has become rich off
the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel
to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge for squirrels
to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The squirrels's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court
and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was
doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court
the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a
council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi
firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and
re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new
home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary
home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain
as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried
to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and
attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return
them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would
face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money
from peoples credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's
food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is
in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He
is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for
the grasshoppers drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary
to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately
because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care
of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks
he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost

[Stuart]

Class that Mark,

If it weren't so spookily accurate an endightment of our society I would have laughed my tits off :lol:

[Ben]

I like that a lot - shame it's so true !!